You may be aware it's the school holidays, in-fact if you aren't a parent, I'm pretty sure you are sick of hearing about it! But if you are a parent, you are probably stuck in a mid August fog. The days have started to blur into one, you've bought more loaves of bread than Jesus and the money is running out. Then there's the school supplies shopping trips to wrestle with, and I'm sure we all love to be robbed blind in the middle of the day for school shoes, honestly I think that's the most money I've spent in 5 minutes ever. Anyway, I digress (told you I'm good at procrastinating, the clues in the title).
After a very lovely family holiday and lets be honest, a week after of just really can't be arsed-ness, last week I'd organised the holy grail of child care, a whole day with the grandparents for the boys so I could actually get started on some stitching. Here's however, where the problem lies. After over three weeks of no working, it's like I couldn't remember what to actually do. Instead I spent the whole day clearing out my workroom, and I mean every drawer and everything. It's now very tidy but lets not stop there, I then proceeded to take apart furniture and in a bold move, I have actually removed all of the wall decor, and then painted the main wall a very bright yellow. There is a method to my madness, honestly there is, but until I can add my very beautiful wall sticker to the wall, I'm essentially working inside a banana. But still no actual stitching had occurred.
Now I've spoken to my fellow stitchers and this procrastination, or indeed the fear to start stitching again is a common thing when there's been a break. It's like I'm worried I've forgotten how to do it. Yes honestly. Yesterday, following a stand off between myself and the machine, I actually turned it on and started to stitch. But this was short lived as I had to quickly update my Instagram stories just so everyone who follows me knows that I am working...now where was I??
Some days being my own boss is a dream, I feel lucky to work from home, Skip back from the school run, slip into my daily routine of breakfast and a couple of house jobs before I take my short commute to the workroom. Others I can feel a sense of pressure on my shoulders.
I've recently started seeing a chiropractor as I had a few aches and pains in my neck and shoulder. He asked me if I had a stressful job, or was expecting some stress, as apparently my shoulders were carrying a lot of new stress? The answer, its half term, the kids are off and I'm feeling stressed because I'm not working. On the other hand if I was working, I'd feel a sense of stress about that. About not making the most of them while they still want to go on days out with me, about only half listening when they talk about Minecraft (honestly have you tried to keep up, its impossible), lets be honest its not a fight I'm going to win with myself! The pressure I put on myself is unbearable at times, and yet, its only me that cares. I know this and still I feel this constant nagging feel that I'm not doing enough. I'm constantly reminded of the book and then film 'I don't know how she does it'...the main character talks about her mental list, about how she's constantly adding to it, but never actually completes many of the tasks, they simply drop off eventually. The list goes round and around in her head, until it builds up to a total sense of panic.
My list is constant, why haven't I had more sales recently? I must remember to get so and so a birthday card, have I returned the cub camp form, world book day, clean the bathroom today, get mince out of the freezer for dinner, make sure you've ironed their uniform, don't forget to send that invoice. You get the idea. And I know this is the same for pretty much every mum I know, whether they run a business or a household. How do we stop this constant dialogue? How do we quiet our thoughts?
The very wise Steph Douglas of @stephdontbuyherflowers talks about her mental list and how you can't constantly add, you have to take something away. otherwise the sense of overwhelm builds to the point of breaking. www.instagram.com/steph_dontbuyherflowers/?hl=en
Its something I'm really working on, as is my ability to delegate, just ask my husband, apparently I'm a mini hitler! In the meantime I'll continue to try and find the answer to lighten the load....I must add it to my to do list...
I feel the time has come for us to take a break, I know you work hard and we've had so many happy times but it seems that you just aren't feeling it at the moment!
I get it, we all have days where we just feel like we need a couple of hours off. To sit on the sofa in pjs and plough through a family bar of Galaxy. So as a treat I've booked you in for a spa break (otherwise known as a service). Now I hope you'll relax and try to chill out a bit, you really have been a bit tense lately and you've been known to snap many threads. I'm sorry I swore at you, we all say things we don't mean when we are in fits of frustration so I think this time apart will be good for us both.
In the meantime I'll be using Maud, your twin sister. However, lets be honest, she's the wayward one and we are currently locked in a battle of wills. I think she'd rather stitch cushions than freehand embroider but I'm making do. Hurry up and enjoy your MOT so we can be reunited again soon.